Be the Light in the Midst of Darkness

So, I went to bed last night around midnight hoping to sleep until 6:30 in the morning. A sista gots things to do! I’d mapped out my day so I could get the most out of this day off from my main job! (I love how I’m referring to this blog like my side piece!) I was excited yesterday about how the work is flowing out of me effortlessly. My mind, on the other hand, had a different plan. At 3am I shot up out of my sleep thinking about what could be improved with this blog. Right now it feels very disjointed. The overall point of the blog is quite muddy. I hadn’t set up the blog well enough for someone outside of my head to understand what’s happening here. Before I went to sleep I left a few frens some texts about my blog to solicit feedback. (* can I just pause right che’ to acknowledge that I’m kinda having an out of body experience* I mean what is this life? I’m writing in a public forum. Is this real?) Some of the frens I sent texts live on the east coast and had responded to my messages. I immediately started jotting down notes for the next day. One of my frens was on her way to work so we had a phone chat about ways to improve the blog and the social media pages. In that moment it dawned on me, ONCE AGAIN, that my unhappiness was due to not living to my full potential. It hit me again that I’m responsible for pulling myself out of the abyss I found myself in about 8 or 9 months ago. I’m also responsible for digging myself so deeply within my pit of unhappiness. I was ridiculing and berating my boyfren at the time daily, snapping on people at work, and neglecting any form of self-care. Everyone was incompetent and bringing me down, or so I thought. I finally bit the bullet and sought a therapist after another fren gave her rave reviews. She was just what I needed… So, of course I go into therapy thinking I knew what I needed to tackle. With every session she uncovered some buried treasures I didn’t even know existed. It didn’t take long for me to realize it was time to make some major changes. I continuously fell back into old patterns of behavior, because why else, it’s comfortable. I had to force myself to be uncomfortable, sit in the pain, learn the lesson, forgive myself and others, and move forward. So, now all of you get to experience the never-ending ramblings of my mind.